NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
