Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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