you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
