only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
