Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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