well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
