We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize