So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
