erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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