The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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