Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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