I smell stomach acid.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
