Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
