You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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