The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
