I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
