I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
