you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
