I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
