and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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