You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize