she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
