just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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