There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Randomize
