ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
