She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Randomize
