Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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