he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I need to calm my uterus...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
