i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
