literally had 100 drinks last night.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
