My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
