I want to have your abortion
I think I am morally bankrupt
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
