I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
