I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize