I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
