i would punch a child for taco bell
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
