she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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