What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
