I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
