I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
