Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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