Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize