remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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