I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
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