Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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