She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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