At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
