So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My ATM looks so different sober.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
