Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
