You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
