id be glad to
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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