I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
