I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
