Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
