i already hear my dad disowning me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
