I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
