what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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