How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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