Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
