I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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