So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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