What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
