hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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