Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
