do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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