last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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