don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
