I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
