lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
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