i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
