Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
