your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I need help removing her.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
