I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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