I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
