This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
