these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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