I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
