I want to have your abortion
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
