Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
