Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
