the new term for farting is butt boxing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
