I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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