"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
