Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
