That's when you crack a 10am beer
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize