She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
