I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
not ubering you a puppy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
