i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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