my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
