Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
