just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
