I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize