broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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