i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize