beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
