its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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