My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you had me at cake vodka
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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