before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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